The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
