So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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