next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
