yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
