would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
