70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
