I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
