Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
bring money and cleavage
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
