i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
