He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
