I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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