i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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