I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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