I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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