i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
