your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
