Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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