i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
