have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
