so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
