He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the liver wants what the liver wants
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
