Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
