What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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