i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
