She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
