I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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