This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dude i'm inner monologue high
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
