Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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