How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
