I just threw up on my dentist
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she told me i tasted like america
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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