Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
