So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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