K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
