This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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