omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
