I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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