He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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