you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
