this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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