True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
