Your face is a jimmy john
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
