how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
