watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's the barista slut.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
