So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
