In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
