Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she smelled like a LAN party
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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