do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
