how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
