And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
