I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
