he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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